Dive
by newyorksnow
Summary: A one-shot where Maura can no longer bear to hide her feelings for Jane. Rizzles.


**A/N: I don't own the characters etc etc, and this was inspired by Ed Sheeran's 'Dive' (lyrics below).**

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 _Don't call me baby, unless you mean it. / Don't tell me you need me, if you don't believe it. / So, let me know the truth, before I dive right into you._

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"Maura."

The chill in the air matched the cold, loveless look Maura gave Jane as she walked by her, her…she didn't know what to refer to Jane as anymore.

"Maur!" Jane grasped Maura's wrist, unaware that the honey blonde was currently writhing in an internal agony at the sensation of the brunette's fingertips on her skin. Instinctively, she turned to face Jane, her pain pouring from her eyes in the form of glassy tears.

"What, Jane?!" Maura cried, using her free hand to wipe tears from her eyes as she was locked in a gaze with the brunette. "What could you possibly want from me now?" She despised confrontation, a dislike of such was rooted in her very being. And yet here she was, having a screaming match with Jane in the middle of the morgue. She couldn't stop the tears that continued to fall. She couldn't stop thinking about letting it all out, revealing the countless thoughts that had been racing around her mind like bicycles in a velodrome.

The detective was taken aback by this outburst from Maura; she had never seen her best friend express herself with such rage, at least, not in years. Jane's mouth was agape, her eyes fixed on the hazel ones of the medical examiner which were currently filled with tears. "Maur," Jane spoke softly now, loosening the grip on her best friend's wrist before using her other hand to gently hold the same hand of that wrist. "Tell me what's wrong. Just tell me." The last time the brunette had seen such a pain in the blonde's face was when they had dealt with the chaotic aftermath of Paddy Doyle's death. It unsettled her. But she needed to know what troubled Maura so terribly, so she waited as patiently as she could for a response.

Normally, the additional hand on her skin would have been too much for Maura to bear in a way that it would have encouraged the sudden explosion of butterflies in her stomach. Jane had the softest palms and fingertips of anyone she knew, and she often revelled in the sensation of them on her hands, her arms, her back, and the occasional time they would cup her cheeks. Even the smallest touch from Jane caused a feeling which most people would describe as the swelling of her heart. But right now, it was only salt in the wound. "Jane, I can't," were the only words to escape Maura's mouth as she released her own hand from the now gentle hold of the brunette. She took one of the tissues from her coat pocket and wiped her nose with it; it was _that_ kind of crying. Maura felt so embarrassed – it was so out of character for her to release her emotions so openly. Even with Jane, sometimes she could only go so far before shutting off a part of herself. So now, it was made a million times worse for the fact that Jane was part of the problem, and Maura was doing everything within her power to hide the surge of devastation she felt overwhelming her. Every second longer spent with Jane was only upsetting her more, and she hated that.

"You can't what, Maura?" By this point, the medical examiner had walked through to her office, Jane desperately following her. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Perplexed by the entire situation, Jane ran a hand through her own tangled curls and held it on her head for a few seconds. She was used to dealing with the way her best friend struggled \to express her feelings on things that weren't scientific fact, but this was different: Maura's standoffish behaviour had never been specifically directed at Jane before, and the detective was unsure of what that meant, and how to handle it. Maura's response was delayed. "Maybe I don't want your help, Jane," she said as she packed things into her handbag, deliberately avoiding eye contact with the brunette. "Maybe I'm better off trying to make sense of situations by myself, then it's harder for me to get hurt."

The detective reached out for her best friend, trying to place a hand on her arm as a source of comfort, just as she always did. However, she was unaware of Maura's best attempts to feel nothing. The blonde's expression remained indifferent, which was unusual. There was no heavy sigh, no apology for getting emotional and certainly no smile. Jane was beyond confused now - she was worried. "Hurt?" she asked. "By who?" Maura looked at Jane, only briefly before diverting her eyes back to the final things she was picking up from her otherwise-immaculately tidy desk, but the expression on her face made it more than clear.

Jane stood now with a slightly angered expression on her face, her hands on her hips as she watched the blonde walk around her, heading for the door of the office. "Me? What have I done?" she scoffed. She was confused, and she didn't want to argue with Maura, she really didn't. But she hated the way her friend was dancing around the issue, more so than she normally did. Their friendship had never really been one of secrets and grudges; whenever one had a problem with the other, generally, they talked it out. It was the reason their relationship consistently grew stronger over the years. So, why couldn't Maura just give her some clarity? Her voice now gentle as she reached out to the other woman, Jane pleaded, "Maur, just tell me."

"You, Jane!" Chaos, fear and frustration were woven through Maura's voice all at once as she turned back to face the detective. "It's you and it's always going to be you. I'm in love with you and I have been for so, so long. But I cannot continue to pretend that my feelings are purely platonic, not anymore. I can't listen to you say you need me and that you love me and let myself think that maybe this time, you really mean it as more than a friend." A huge sigh emerged from the medical examiner. What Maura had said could never be unsaid. It was out there now, and they were both going to have to deal with its consequences.

For one of the few times in her life, Jane was speechless. Any possible reaction refused to escape her lips, because truthfully, she didn't know what to say. This revelation from Maura, her best friend, was completely unexpected. Sure, she had often questioned the depth of her relationship with Maura and if that all they really were (or would ever be) was friends. But she buried it deep in the back of her mind alongside Hoyt and the many other things she tried not to think of. Maura's skill for compartmentalisation had really rubbed off on her, until now.

Her mind was racing, her heart beating faster than it had in a long, long while – she was certain nobody else had ever caused her to feel this way before, not Casey, not anybody. The only thought she could seem to process was "I love you too" as she looked into the hazel eyes of her best friend. And yet somehow, it was only now that she realised she wanted so much more than a best friend in Maura. She was desperate to react, but it was as though her body was shutting down, preventing her from saying those precious four words, or explaining the eureka moment she had just had or letting Maura know what she really felt.

Maura blushed intensely, beyond embarrassed by the silence which she had chosen to interpret as rejection. This was exactly why she had never wanted to disclose her feelings for Jane; she knew they would never be reciprocated. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice refusing to cooperate with her until she cleared her throat. "I should never have said anything. You shouldn't have been burdened with this when it's painfully obvious you don't feel the same. I'll see you tomorrow." The blonde struggled to keep eye contact as she spoke, before turning on her heels and once again, headed to leave. But she was wrong.

"Wait, Maur!" It was the realisation that if she didn't speak now, she may lose Maura forever, which prompted Jane to blurt out a last-ditch attempt to get her best friend to stay. Maybe she wouldn't necessarily _lose_ Maura, but their relationship – on whatever level it existed – might never be the same. Especially when Jane was sure that she felt the same as Maura, holding her tongue now was fruitless. But the medical examiner continued to walk on, almost out the door until Jane lunged towards her, grabbing her hand and uttering "MauraIloveyoutoo!" so quickly it was almost incoherent. Of course, not to Maura, who had imagined what those words would sound like in a thousand different situations; to her, the sentence was crystal clear, so much so that she swung back round so swiftly it was a surprise she didn't give herself whiplash.

She looked straight into the brown eyes before her, trying to read them for a sign that it was a joke or that naturally, Jane loved her only as a friend. She could get lost in the detective's eyes forever, not just for the way they glistened against the light, but for the time she would spend looking for answers behind the barriers Jane had so carefully built. "Wh-what do you mean, Jane?" It wasn't often that the medical examiner would ask such a question, but her internal disbelief left her no other option.

Jane's frantic expression softened a little as she responded, "I'm saying that I love you, Maura, and I don't just mean as a friend." Her smile was sincere as she gazed into those hazel eyes for what must have been the millionth time, and yet it always felt like it was the first. The blonde's eyes told her something new every single time, and Jane could never tire of the glances, and the knowing looks they often gave each other. Now, however, she hated to see a confusion and sadness painted over them.

The tension rising as Jane stood a little nearer, Maura knew it was impossible to avoid the situation – confrontation was the only solution. Shaking her head, she firmly wiped the tears from her own face. "No, Jane," she began with a shaky breath. "You don't have to do this. Please, don't feel sorry for me and don't try to tell yourself that my feelings for you are reciprocated when we both know it's not tr-" But she never managed to finish the sentence, for the brunette had closed the distance between them when she placed her hands on either side of Maura's face, letting her lips crash on the medical examiner's. For both women, they felt their hearts bursting to life in a way they had never known possible. Unexpectedly, Jane withdrew from the embrace, holding out Maura in front of her as she asked, "Now do you believe me?" Nothing needed to be said. Instinctively, Maura returned the kiss, almost dizzy at the sensation of Jane's soft lips wrapped around her lower lip. She could feel everything, the way the brunette's hands now reached for her waist, pulling her in even closer against her. As the blonde ran her fingers through Jane's long tousled locks, Jane knew she could do this every day.

There was something terrifying in taking that plunge, that leap into a territory so completely unknown to both women. There was a possibility it would have ended in pure devastation for either party. But now, as they stood lost in waves of emotion through their never-ending kisses, Maura was beyond content in knowing she was finally diving into some kind of bliss with Jane, hopefully forever.

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 **A/N: I'm slightly terrified about this being my first ever post, so I'd really appreciate any feedback.**


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